You're trying to contact C.R.A.P.? That’s… bold of you.
We admire your initiative, but let’s be clear: There is no published number, no contact form, no cheerful customer service agent waiting to take your call. In fact, by the time you've finished reading this sentence, you may already be on a watchlist that doesn’t officially exist.
Need to reach us?
Try shouting into a secure void. Tap Morse on a coffee mug. Send smoke signals over a non-government-approved hilltop. Or, better yet—
Don't.
If you're still determined to get in touch with someone—anyone—consider therapy. Or perhaps revisit the idea that some programs are designed never to be contacted… because they were never meant to exist.
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